i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
