He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
