Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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