I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
