I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
