I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
