Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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