i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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