No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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