You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
