I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
