i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
