It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i dont even know how to be here
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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