shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
