Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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