Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize