You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
