dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I skipped work to stalk him.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
