don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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