Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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