White coat. Heels.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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