Just cropdusted the office
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Bring me that man meat
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
