First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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