I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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