u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
