i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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