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• (312): View more from Illinois

  i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i was like PREG?

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave

  (703): View more from Virginia

  and miss being on the news....no way

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?

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• (904): View more from Florida

  the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use

  (509): View more from Washington

  that will happen

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