Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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