doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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