never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize