I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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