wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
