Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
