A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
