So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
