I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
