My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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