he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
