According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
