you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
