ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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