Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
