Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
