I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
