Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
