He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
