Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
