im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
