So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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