Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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