Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
