We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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