He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
