i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
