yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
