I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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