i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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