he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
