Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize