You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
