is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
