No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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