What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
