She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
