A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
